What the hell am I thinking?

I'm not a runner. I have never liked to run. I did track and field my 8th grade year and used to struggle breathing during a 200m race. I played golf in high school - a sport that allows the use of a motorized vehicle after your competition days are over. One that you can enjoy with a beer in your hand.

What I'm saying is that I'm lazy. Always have been. I'm happiest in front of the TV or a laptop screen, feet up, lounge clothing on and bag of chips in my lap. I've never really been a runner. I've done a couple 5Ks here and there, and always wanted to be a runner, but something in the back of my head has always told me I couldn't do it.

So, with that said, what the hell am I thinking? What caused me to wake up last Wednesday and say - I want to run a half-marathon. What has caused me to become basically obsessed with the idea of running this race? Made me go out and buy a pair of running shoes (on clearance because come on, I'm not crazy). To download an app on my phone that would track my run progress.

This is my goal - to run the Disney Princess Half-Marathon on Feb 23. I haven't told anyone besides my sister of this moment of insanity I'm apparently suffering. I haven't signed up for the race yet. I'm giving myself until August 1 to make the decision and pay the entry fee - leaving me virtually no choice but to run the race. So between now and August 1 I need to become a runner.

I'm a pessimist at heart. I tend to see the bad, the negative, believe that the good won't happen or isn't possible. Every time I think I'm going to accomplish something, that little negative voice in my head tells me I'll never do it - it'll never happen for me. This journey is more than finishing my first half-marathon. It's about pushing myself past that negative voice and realizing that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. Who knows what that will lead to. I may be 33 years old, but I have a lot of future ahead of me and I need to believe that I can do anything to make it the best future for my children, my husband and myself.

So - my journey began tonight. After finding every excuse in the book to not go out and run since my little epiphany, I went for my first run tonight. I had hoped to do 2 miles tonight, but it became clear very quickly that it wasn't going to go as well as I had imagined. So - I had 2 choices. Listen to the negative voice that was telling me "You've only gone half a mile - look at you. You'd have to do 12.5 more of these - you'll never make it." Or, I could listen to a new voice that said "Why push it past your comfort level right now? You just started - what did you expect? It's a process - it's called training." The new voice surprised me and in the end, won out. The last thing I wanted to do was hate running on my first time out and give myself another excuse to quit. So, I allowed myself to walk more than I ran, without feeling guilty. I chose a route that had beauty versus challenge, and I had fun.

This blog is going to be my wait of being accountable. I don't expect anyone to read it - and if someone does, even better. Also - if you do take time to read my drivel, feel free to leave inspiring quotes, articles, suggestions, tips, etc., in the comments. Again, I'm not a runner - so I'm open to anything and everything people want to share.

My posts won't always be this long - at least I don't expect them to be. Just a way for me to track my journey and put down my thoughts and experiences.

So tonight's results:
1.78 miles
27:09 minutes
Avg min/mile: 15:15
If I ran the half tonight, total time would have been: 3 hours and 27 minutes. (Princess Half has a max time of 3:30 - I already feel like I could run this race after tonight. But, here comes the negative voice, that is before I'm extremely tired and have run several miles. In any case, it's a reassuring time to see.)

My goal for Tuesday: 2 miles in under 30 minutes, walking and running but trying to run a little more than tonight.

-Janae